Cold hands, warm shart.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
