It was confusing and full of hummus
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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