What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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