im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
this hospital has no fireball
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
