I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
be right there i have to get my cape
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
