Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
