Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
