Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
