How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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