not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
