just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
