You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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