It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
