bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
