she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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