and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
