I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
