At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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