There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
