Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
