youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
