So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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