My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
