Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
