I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I will die if light touches me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
