I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
