I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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