Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
