Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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