Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
