my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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