We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
