Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
