We're like a lot better than the average bears
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
