Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
