Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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