O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
