I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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