Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
