I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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