A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
