I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize