i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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