If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
