College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
