This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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