I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
