i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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