You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
