Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
