I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
