I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
