I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
