Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize