Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
