You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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