There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
BRING THE BAGELS
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
