Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Your penis caused this!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
