sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
