I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
