No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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