It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
