Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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