those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
