Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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