The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
