Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
