Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
