when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
