I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
