I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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