We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
